When I said I wanted to get ripped this isn’t what I had in mind…
I’m happy. I get to see my husband a lot more since he has gone down to part time and I am now working from home. So that’s great. It’s such an improvement in our family. We get to eat meals together and actually see each other. I know in June of 2015 I told Arthur I wasn’t happy. I didn’t like being a single parent. Which is basically what we were. Two single parents sharing the same house and trading shifts. But I’m happy now. So what the hell? Well hell. I was down to about 178 in August 2016. That was just shy of 40lbs lost! The lowest I had been in several years, possibly over ten years if I think about it. And then things started stacking up. I was sick for two weeks. Two weeks of a stomach bug. It sucked. I couldn’t eat anything and by the time I was feeling better I ATE ALL THE THINGS to make up for it. Cheesecake? Heck yeah. I haven’t eaten in two weeks. I deserve it. Pizza, cheesecake, cookies, cheesecake. And then in October, I started birth control and it’s like the weight stacked on double time. I don’t think it’s working from home that’s contributing. I don’t snack all day. If anything I eat very little during the day but I overcompensate in the evening with a carb heavy meal. And the there’s stress. Can’t discount that. I’m not making the same amount of money as I was last year. I’m trying though. That’s a whole other blog post.
Anyway, I’m over 200lbs. I told myself I would never get over 200 again. I’m disappointed in myself. I’m walking around with a blob of a belly. I sit down in my room and look at the mirror on our closet and I can’t believe that’s what I’ve let happen. I haven’t been very nice to myself about it either. “You f*ckn fatty.” I’m literally wearing a maternity shirt now and my pants barely button. I’ve been making an effort to eat healthier the past couple of weeks and nothing is dropping off but at least I’m not gaining more.
Then there’s guilt for this first world problem of “Oh I have too much food and I’m eating all of it and storing all this extra fat!”
We are clearing out the garage (Just had a garage sale actually) and trying to get our home gym/garage gym together. That’s on the agenda for tomorrow. Get it usable. Throw the last of the stuff away or give it away. We have a treadmill, weight bench, and a standing punching bag just sitting there under piles of this or that.
But yeah other than that nonsense I’m happy. 🙂
P.S. Sorry if the close up of my pants is too much…
